ABCs of Double Ds

 I was never hell bent on getting a breast augmentation. I’d rather have nice natural breast than look like an escort. However, a couple years ago I gained quite a bit of weight that made my breast look amazing. I kept wondering how wonderful it would be to lose the weight and keep the breast. Fortunately, one of my girlfriends got a boob job that was just what I had been dreaming of, large natural-looking implants for a great price. So here’s a breakdown of what goes into picking out good fake tits:

High Profile vs. Low Profile

There are two shapes for implants. High profile are the more round traditional 90s-style implants and low profile are the more modern tear-drop shape implants. My doctor recommends high-profile for women with saggy boobs who need to perk up the location of their nipples. High profile implants tend to sit further apart, making “refund gap” more likely to occur. I went with low profile.

Boobie Buffet: top left implants demonstrate high vs. low profile. The right darker one is actually 50cc larger.

Silicon vs. Saline

Saline is just a fancy term for salt water; it makes your boobs feel giggly like water balloons. Silicon has a thicker consistency and makes your boobs feel much more natural. I was just going for looks, so I went cheap and opted for saline. Saline is usually about a grand cheaper.  

Under vs. Over

If the implant goes over the pectoral muscles, there is a much greater chance of seeing the outline of the implant. So my doctor only places implants under the muscle. Also, just my opinion, I image they withstand gravity better in the long run and they don't impede the ability to breast-feed.

Size

You can't ask the doctor "make me full C", because there is quite a difference between a 28C and a 38C. My 5’2” petite friend has 350cc implants that look larger than my 475cc implants on my 5'6" frame. For this reason, the doctor has you try on a range of sizes to help you make your decision. I wanted 450cc implants but the doctor said that I should get 475 because he wanted the implants to be full to avoid ripples in the implants. Plus he assured me that patients always return to get larger implants. On my frame, 475cc equates to a 36D.

Trying to decide between 500 (left) and 450cc (right). Please ignore my pterodactyl claws

Little Tidbits About Surgery:

-I had to go to four appointments and have blood work done prior to my surgery date.

-The $3800 had to be paid in full prior to the surgery.

-The surgery is an outpatient procedure that only takes forty-five minutes, so the surgical team seemed really relaxed. They were blasting music in the operating room. They just had me jump up onto the high operating table, they were cracking jokes with me as started the IV and anesthesia. This made slightly nervous.

Apparently this is how crooked my natural boobs were

-After surgery, my friend drove me home, gave me a smoothie with narcotics and put me to bed. I felt fine until I woke up two hours later and tried to get out of bed. I felt like I had a ninety-pound weight on chest pressing me into my bed. I had to cry out for my mom to come help me. I could walk fine but my core was very tight, I couldn’t even lean forward to pick my phone up off the coffee table.

-For two weeks my implants were so high they almost touched my clavicles. Yet my nipple were in the same spot. My nipples were barely hanging off the edge of breast, this was kinda horrifying.

This is how I felt/looked after the surgery

-I had to wear a maternity bra and a sling shot around my torso for two weeks, in order to push my implants downwards into their pockets. This restricted me to wearing hoodies. 

-It took about four months for the swelling to go down completely. During this time my boobs were hard, high and huge. Not the look I was going for:/

In vegas with my Porn Star boobs

-The doctor told me to keep my breast moisturized. I didn’t listen to him and I started to get red vainy-looking stretch marks radiating from my nipples. Thank God for coco butter. It cleared them right up.

-I couldn’t do cardio for three weeks and I couldn’t lift weights for three months.

10 pounds down and looking like a normal person, thank God!
And thank you to Dr Talebzadeh at East Lake Cosmetic Surgery

Now, seven months out, I have exactly the breast that wanted. My little brother and my girl friend’s husband didn’t even know that I had a boob job. I say “thank you, that was the look that I was going for. I’m now able to do cross fit again, so I’m slimming down and soon enough I’ll have my old slimmer figure and I’ll get to keep the nice boobs.

Lesson Learned

Recently it seems like situations that presented themselves as “opportunities” actually ended up being “learning opportunities.” They were painful lessons to learn but I figure that when I have real opportunities come my way, I better be prepared and have these lessons under my belt. I'm sharing  these little life/business lessons, so hopefully some wisdom can be gained, minus the pain. 

First Lesson: Never go into business with anyone. Keep a low profile and low overhead.
When I told my art mentor about how badly my former business burned me, he told me this gem. It seems like common sense, and for some people it is. However, I am a very trusting individual and I count on others, especially the people closest to me, to keep their word and not act based on emotions. Lesson learned.

Second Lesson: Require full payment and details upfront.

I was recently lamenting to my friend, a mature woman who owns and operates a successful photography business, about how to deal with women in business. (Older women screwing me over has been a theme in my life recently.) Her response was pretty simple and I almost felt her giggling at me through the key board. She simply said “I require full payment and all the details upfront, and I let them know that I do not need their business. Again, it seems so simple yet for some reason I needed to see it typed out in plain text.

I guess what a lot of these lessons boil down to is what all those after-school-specials tried to teach us as children “believe in yourself.” I didn’t feel confident enough to take on the business aspect of my endeavors by myself, so I brought on a male (who ended up being a liability more than an asset.) Also, I didn’t believe that my work was good enough to demand compensation upfront, even though countless clients told me otherwise.

I really hope that there isn’t a third lesson that must be learnt before the opportunities arise. All that I can do is keep busy doing what I love, developing my talents, and trust that everything is already in the works.