Flying Monkeys

Today I'm feeling like Dorthy in The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch sent her army of evil flying monkeys to attack Dorthy and Toto.  I have countless satisfied customers that love my work and refer me to their friends. Then I've had about three customers that I can not please and seem to reemerge continuously. They are always successful at dampening my mood. Since they seem to swoop down on me out of no where, I refer them as flying monkeys. I'm sure that every industry has their own description of a disgruntle customer, here is mine:
-Flying monkeys don't know what they want. They give me a vague description to work with.  They know what they don't want and are very comfortable requesting a vast series of never-ending adjustments.
-Flying monkeys expect work done on the fly. This disrupts all my other orders and crushes my personal life. They also gets p.o.ed if the extra shipping is included in the invoice.
-Flying monkeys always try to weasel out of payment: "I thought this was a promotion." "I'll pay you in two weeks."
-Flying monkeys typically have their personal lives in shambles and never pass up an opportunity to campaign for the sympathy vote.
-Flying monkeys always attempt to befriend and later pull the friend card.
If this sounds like the customer from hell, yes indeed it is. I've had three of these and they never seem to go away completely. Today all three contacted me! Sorry, I board my plane for Belize in two hours, go fly somewhere else and find some other dedicated person to pick on.

Tanga Time

When I perfected my classic Brazilian cut 4 years ago I got mixed responses. Some people thought that it was fabulous, others scorned it for it's lack of modesty. So lately I've been baffled by the request to go even smaller and smaller. So finally, it's Tanga time! I never thought that Americans would be ready for this and suddenly they are eager to have it! I've been experimenting in the lab(studio) cooking up a crazy concoction and the results have been overwhelming; I'm selling my samples before I get a chance to shoot them. Looks like I have my work "cut" out for me! Barracuda Bikini  is pushing envelope. 

Barracuda Bikini

Hire Me for Your Next Funeral...

Tuesday night I got word from the boss that I would need to spin 80s for the first 2 hours of my set. He said "you know 80s right?" I replied "Sure, I totally remember everything that happened in the 80s." [I was born in 85] I asked why the heck would I suddenly have to spin 80s music on tranny night. The reason was that the Brass Rail was hosting a wake that night. This further baffled me. It turns out that wakes at bars are pretty common in the gay community. When a gay person dies and their family never accepted their sexual orientation, they do not allow the gay friends at the funeral. This was very disheartening to me, especially when I showed up for my gig last night. It was the best crowd that I've ever seen at the Brass Rail or any club for that matter. It was a tight knit crowd of 200+ young professionals. Even tough they were mourning they seemed very out going and uplifting. Looking around at the young man's friends I got a feel for the type of person he was. Even in death his family couldn't look past their biases and fully accept him as the wonderful person that he was.

TGIM

The rapture came and went with a vengeance. All the good people didn't go to heaven, but they certainly didn't go to San Diego's Jazz Festival either. Saturday night I opened up at Jimmy Love's top 40s/house room as the Jazz festival was ending. Here are some of my favorite quotes of the night:  
"Are you going to like, play some variety?" [2 songs into my set]
"Can you play it hard? You know? Like hit it hard? Play it hard." 
"It goes like: sticks and stones may break my bones..." 
"Ohhhh, OHH, ohhhh! S & M! Best choice ever, now you're going HARD!!!"
"Can you play something that's not techno?" [during Usher's Beautiful People, an R&B song] 
"Can you play 'How Many Licks' for that guy? Hes hot..." [Pointing to the "play hard" douche]
"Can you play some old school 70s funk for us old folks?" [Thats what the band was playing upstairs] 
The proper way to request a song is to simply request a song. Knowing the title of the song or the name of the artist is always a plus! Common courtesy is always appreciated, especially when telling someone how to do one's job. Word has it that the rapture has been postponed until October 21st, lets hope that it doesn't fall on a Saturday again~

The End of the World As We Know It.

Tomorrow is rumored to be judgment day, the day that will spark the end of times, which is too bad because I don't get to deposit my latest check until 2018. Today picked up a check from my old production company that was post dated until 2018. Under normal circumstances I would have been angry, but for some reason I couldn't stop laughing about it all day. Thank goodness the bank teller excepted it, lets cross our fingers that clears. The guy that signed it contacted me about it and was kind enough to point out that I "make mistakes too" and my "face book phone number is wrong."  It's my Belize number dude, I don't want randoms contacting me. Any who, its still money in the bank.

Giving In

I've broken down and hopped on the train of self promotion and TMI. Here you can get a bimonthly update of all things Celest-tay: designing, fitness, deejaying, art, random rants and feeble antics. Enjoy!