Forgive and Forget?

This blog goes under the TMI/rant category:)

Lately I've been confronted with the subject of forgiveness. I recently received the worst apology of my life! The ultimatum apology. I didn't even know that such a thing was even possible! "Okay, I apologize. I want to move forward from this, but I need to know right now whether you forgive me or not." It sparked the demon in me and resurfaced all the other crap apologies I've come in contact with. Dictionary.com defines forgiveness as: to grant pardon for or remission. It also defines apology as: a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another. I'm pretty good at day to day forgiveness for things like "sorry that I flaked" or "opps, I bumped your car" but when it comes to crappy apologies for major/repeated offenses, I find forgiveness to be one of the hardest thing to do. I've heard the term "forgive and forget" countless times, but who's idea was that? In Sunday school I recall Jesus teaching about forgiveness but I don't recall him ever saying anything about forgetting. Here are some questions that I have on the subject of forgiveness.

*Should I forgive someone even if they never apologized?

Example: If you read my Haunted Beach House blog then you know that my brother recently passed away and we didn't end on good terms. He stole from me as I struggled to support the two of us. A week before I moved back to the US I attempted to clear the air in our relationship.  He turned everything around on me and accused me of being a malicious person. He died six months later. So...he never apologized, am I'm still obligated to forgive? [The petty thievery wasn't the problem, they way that he turned the situation against me is what took me for a loop.]

*Should I accept an apology that lacks responsibility and accountability?

Example: One day I awoke to this in my inbox:
"Hi we don't have to be friends or anything but I am doing a lot of soul searching. I did know at the time you and kyle were an item.... and you had every right to be upset. My apologies." This apology was for asking my boyfriend to meet her in Mexico for a weekend of  sex while her boyfriend was in Canada with his dieing father. [Maybe I'm just stubborn, but I took this casual apology as an insult.]

*And what about the reoccurring apology? 

I can forgive people that are within my circle of trust fairly easily but when it comes to people that I am forced to experience life with I find the act to be more difficult, especially for repeated offenses. Every time that an apology is in order trust has been broken. The forgiveness may come easier, but the trust takes time and conscious effort to restore.  

I've been taught that I should forgive for my own sake, to prevent harboring resentment, but in extreme cases I find it easier to just exchange resentment for indifference. Any thoughts?